What I'm thinking about though, is what happens when you are in a relationship with someone who maybe doesn't see life the way you do. Who has a different view of their future. And who makes what compromises?
The wonderful, gorgeous, smart, kind, sexy, funny man who I'm proud to call my boyfriend (did I mention that he's gorgeous?) and I had a semi-argument recently. It wasn't the kind of argument that makes you question if you want to be with them. But it makes you wonder if you're a good person for staying with them.
I've written before about the fact that I don't think I want kids. That hasn't changed. Indeed as time goes on I want them less and less. I don't need to justify why, but I do think it's interesting that all my friends who are now parents have only ever commented on my photos and posts of late-nights-drinking-cocktails and frequent-holidays-abroad with envy. Anyway, the boy has hinted that he thinks he does want kids. We've briefly discussed our reasons. He understands mine, I don't understand his at all ('to carry on your family line?! What makes you think your family line's so special...')
I have however told him that IF (big if) I were to consider having kids, I'd want to be married. He seemed to understand my feelings on this. But it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want to get married again. Sure, we have both been-there-done-that and it didn't work out, and I totally get the fear of not being lucky a second time around either (I'm afraid I subscribe to the theory that a successful marriage depends partly on the willingness of both parties to work on it, and partly to a good healthy old fashioned dose of luck. If you're one of the lucky ones, good for you. I hope you'll always be wary in case your luck changes). And I don't want it for myself much. But bringing new life into the world without the commitment of marriage? Not for my (hypothetical) children, thanks.
I want to be a good person. I've told him I understand if he wants to go and find someone to be the mother of his children, if I can't be it. He says no because he loves me too much. Does it make me selfish that I want this more than I want to give him what he really wants? I'm sorry if it does. But I can't do it. Not right now.
So there we have it. Stalemate, or an insurmountable compromise. Right now, the one thing we both agree on is that we want to be with each other more than we want any hypothetical children or marriage, and I think that's a good starting point right?? Where we go from here only time will tell.