Wednesday 9 July 2014

Good things come to those who wait

I don't expect you've realised I've been quiet of late. As in, even fewer posts than usual (hard to believe, isn't it??) There are a few reasons. I've been running, really quite a lot. Life has been busy in a general sort of way with friends, the boy, birthdays, hen dos and weddings. But most of all, I've been seriously thinking about my career and my future.
Sounds deep, doesn't it?? But it's not, not really. I started a new, supposedly permanent, job in October 2013 after only doing short term/temporary contracts for a few years. At the time, it seemed like a good opportunity to put roots in somewhere, work permanently in a team, start to feel like I really belonged somewhere and could use my skills and make changes. Those were the things that were promised to me when I started.
You probably don't need me to tell you that things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. Instead of feeling like I was part of a team, I felt like I was the person at the bottom of the pyramid, attempting to hold everything up while everyone around me messed around and eventually fell off. My skills, worked so hard for and cherished, weren't valued at all.
I knew I was unhappy within a few weeks of starting the role, despite trying to ignore my initial misgivings. But I tried to suppress those feelings. Doing what I do, selfishness isn't encouraged. It's not about you, it's about what you do for others. I focused on that. And I know I did it well. That's one thing about which I have no regrets.

But eventually, it wasn't enough. And just as I was coming to realise that, another opportunity presented itself. There is somewhere else where I worked for a year when I first moved to London, back at the beginning of 2012. I had a wonderful year working there but sadly the contract ended and there was no vacancy for me to stay there permanently. I hoped for a long time that something would come up there, but after almost 2 years of waiting and hoping nothing had and I started to think I shouldn't wait forever -hence why I took the other post last autumn.
But suddenly out of the blue a vacancy arose and I almost couldn't believe it. I spent long anxious evenings rewriting my CV, honing each sentence, asking people to read it and check it for me (and it still went in with a mistake on it! Typical). The interview was on the hottest day you can imagine in early June and I sat with my dress almost stuck to me with sweat, trying to give off the impression of someone cool, calm and collected who you'd desperately want as a colleague. And somehow, God only knows how, it worked and I got offered the post.

When I resigned from the other post, where I had done my very very best for 8 months, tried and tried and tried, one of my managers was devastated and told me she didn't know how they'd manage without me. The other one said 'ah well, we could never have competed with what your new post is offering you'. Which angered me beyond belief. The reason I am taking the new post, actually, is because they are offering me moral support, teamwork, a chance to grow and develop and learn and be the best I can be. You COULD have offered me that. I gave you plenty of opportunities to do so. You chose not to.

So I took control. And hopefully it will finally turn out the way I wished for. The new job starts at the beginning of August. Before that however, I am off to Sri Lanka for a much-needed holiday and also to see one of my best friends get married. See you on the flip side....